The New Year is sneaking up on us and I have had quite a few conversations with clients about new year resolutions and things they are looking to do in the New Year. It’s the time of the year where we are motivated with resolutions and willpower. I absolutely love the new year. There is nothing quite like a clean slate and a fresh start. I want to warn you about falling into the same old trap, but not in the way you would think.
Motivation and Willpower Aren’t The Problem
We all hear the jokes about resolutions being forgotten come February 1. Or the jokes about how long the new diet or going to the gym will last this year. I want to make very clear that not being able to stick with your resolutions has ZERO to say about you as a person. You aren’t lazy or unmotivated or lacking willpower to force yourself to do these things. If your resolutions aren’t sticking year after year, then these things just simply aren’t in alignment for you at this time. That’s it. That is all it means. You aren’t a bad person, you are just forcing and chasing something that isn’t for you right now.
But, I Really Want The Thing
I can already here the arguments. But….
- I really want to lose X amount of weight to look good
- I really want to be more active to improve my health
- I really want to be more organized or on time
- I want to be more present and patient
I am going to tell you the same thing I said above. Either
- These things are not in line with your actual values
2. Something deeper is blocking you from having these things right now
Okay, Now What?
Before making any New Years Resolutions or intentions, I recommend doing a values check-in. Sit down and really take a deep look at what you value. When I do a values check in, I like to use this list of core values. I print it and and I go through and circle any that stand out to me. Then I go back through those that I circled and I pick the 3-5 that speak the most to me. This is how we can determine what our lives look like and how we spend our time.
So if it turns out you don’t actually highly value appearances or health or punctuality, then it’s no wonder your resolutions haven’t been sticking. This can be a simple mindset shift and thinking differently about why you want to lose weight, be healthy, or be organized. It can also just mean you shift the focus of your resolutions on the things you know are important to you.
If it is not a misalignment with values, it could be something deeper is blocking you. This would be a good opportunity for 1-on-1 coaching. Every person has their own reasons and it is highly individualized. Start with the values check-in and if the reason isn’t popping out immediately, lets dig in a little deeper. It isn’t really about the resolutions and willpower. It is about values and deeper truths.