I have been super open and honest about the path I have been on to fully nourish my body. Most days, that path is smooth. It feels good in my body. I sleep well. I have energy during the day. My muscles don’t ache., my appetite is strong, my hormones are doing their jobs, my cycle is regular and PAIN FREE for the first time in my lifetime, and my moods are stable. In summary, I feel damn good.
BUT MY PANTS DON’T FIT! Not just my regular pants, but my “fat” pants. Maybe guys won’t get this reference, but I know the ladies in the crowd may be able to relate.
And I get that this is silly and shouldn’t matter, but it does. The fact that I am getting hung up on this thing has actually made it worse. The self-judgement for not loving myself fully or for some part of me to be caught in societal beauty standards instead of what I feel to be true in my body. I always thought I was above those things. I got brought down to earth this week. It absolutely came out swinging and knocked me right off my high horse. The reality is I am holding on to an old version of myself that is keeping me from owning this new beautiful, healthy, vibrant self.
This post definitely is not to get attention, but to say that I am here in the trenches with you. This is the healthiest I have ever been and it is also the heaviest (aside from pregnancies). The programming runs deep that thin equals healthy and I am experiencing first hand that it simply isn’t true for my body. It’s messing with me a bit. So I am putting it out there. I am giving myself lots of grace and letting go of so many old beliefs. Stepping into this curvier, fuller, more authentic version of me is the next right move.
So I will buy some new pants (or maybe stick with dresses :)) that fit and I will continue to honor the body that gives me life by feeding it well.